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BeccaLynnJ
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Name: Rebecca
Birthday: 1/18/1976
Gender: Female
Interests: God, Daydreaming, listening to Adam play the guitar,scrapbooking, reading, walking/running, watching movies, Peter, spending time with family and friends and snuggling.
Occupation: Administrative
Industry: Medical
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  ribqah93
MSN: beccalynnjohnson
Member Since:
11/18/2004
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| What I've learned from losing Eliana. . .
5 weeks ago exactly today we lost our little girl Eliana.
I've never had to fight so much to keep my faith and yet at the same time I've never had so much faith.
From the start of our journey to have a baby I have told God - this baby is not more important then you - no matter what happens I will say Lord, blessed be your name
I never expected him to give us the desire of our heart, our answer to the millions of prayers we had offered up, our dream come true - our miracle and then allow her to be snatched away.
The past 5 weeks have been such a struggle for me. The question why the biggest problem. I am angry. I feel guilty. And that doesn't even start the range of emotions I felt and still feel. It was so dark and all it took all I had to hang on to the promises God had given me and continued to give me.
But even at the times where it was so dark and I couldn't feel God's presence and didn't want to feel His presence He was there. And I was determined to keep my promise to Him. And even though my heart is still not at peace - I can feel his presence again and the light is back.
I don't understand why and never will - but then there are these words
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."
No matter how dark life gets - every day choose to say "Lord, blessed be your name." cuz in the end whether you understand or not He is worth the sacrifice it takes to say that when the darkness is surrounding you.
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| miracles happen - but they don't always last forever
my heart is shattered
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| Today is the day a miracle will happen!
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| My heart breaks
Tears don't fall
as I ask the questions
It hurts . . .
but my God is faithful!
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| So - its almost Thanksgiving! That is so crazy - its unbelievalbe how fast time goes by. I wonder what God is doing sometimes and when it really starts to bother me I am reminded of a line in a song - Moses says - "The people aren't going to listen to me and follow me" "Its not your problem" God replies - "there is a bigger picture here that you can't see - I am working out my plan just trust in me and do what I tell you." Thats not it word for word - but basically. As a friend said recently - God gives us choices and then we make them. That is what life is - choices.
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